I read somewhere recently that playing a musical instrument raises your IQ 5 points. This was very welcome news as so far my efforts to play guitar had only made me feel exceedingly stupid. I suppose it makes sense that overcoming that kind of wall can expand a mind, but for a time, I really didn't see anything like that happening. Which is not to say that I haven't gotten better at playing. I think there has been real progress there, and I am really enjoying the process of hearing a song, looking up the chords and sitting down to try and sound out the rhythms and changes. I've even gotten fairly good at recognizing songs that I might be able to play by ear, which is something I never really thought I'd be able to do. All this has been going quite well, I just haven't been able to combine it with my voice. At all.
Singing always came pretty easily to me. I could carry a tune well on my own, and when I worked at it I was able to take on some pretty challenging pieces, both alone and in groups. Throughout school, and even in to early adulthood, right on through to today, singing brings me as much pure joy as any activity I participate in. There is something spectacularly human about blending your voice with a group, and the thrill of singing out alone and having it sound good is something I've been hooked on for life. You'd be surprised to know how often my wife and I sing at home when talking would do just fine. Nothing makes me as nervous, and nothing feels quite as good to just get out and do as singing.
Because of all this, it's been thoroughly frustrating to be playing a rudimentary, but recognizable version of a song on the guitar, be able to hear the real version clearly in my head, come to the part where the vocals come in, and simply shut down. Full paralysis. Hands no longer fretting or strumming, and voice simply deactivated. Silent. I couldn't explain it, and I hated it. For this reason (and due to some frequent travel over the last few weeks where it didn't make sense to bring my new guitar) I haven't made much progress over the last few weeks.
This weekend, however, I picked up the guitar after a fairly prolonged absence. I keep it out in the dining room where I pass by it many times in a day. Over the past week I had had it in my head that I really needed to pick it up, and I kept making and breaking promises to myself to do so. Finally, I carved out an hour and told myself I wasn't going to put it down until I could put some voice together with some chords. I had had a little previous success with super plodding, slow tunes like Hey Joe or California Stars. Earlier in the day, for no discernible reason, No Rain by Blind Melon had jumped into my head and I had a good feeling I might be able to work it out. I looked up the chords and sure enough, they were all in my inventory. Most of them were real wheelhouse chords, like G, and D. Old friends. The changes, however, seemed a bit tough, so I took it extraordinarily slow. I sang it through a couple of times, then played it through once or twice. I have no clear sense of how I scaled the wall, but before I knew what was happening, there I was on the other side, and not looking back.
The changes were sloppy, the rhythm was spotty, and I did that thing you do where you hold a note with your voice while you wait for your fingers to catch up and form the chord, then drop back into the song. I'm a long way from an open mic, or even playing something for anyone not actually related to me, but I have cracked the code, and that feels great. To keep the momentum, I returned to the song that I have already designated as the first one I will ever "perform" for people (not that I have any idea when or what that performance will look like) and I was able to muddle through that one as well.
I may have mentioned it before in this space, but there is a remarkable tide shift that I went through with guitar. It's something I also went through with juggling, and it is one of the most valuable things this whole project has taught me. At some point in both activities, my inability to do the thing changed from making me want to stop, and became the very thing that made me want to keep trying. Frustration and a lack of success has always felt more like a motivator to stop and try something else than a motivation to improve. Just isolating that muscle is a huge discovery for me, and something I want to continue to try and strengthen. For now. I'm content to take my 5 extra IQ points and run with them.
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